ideasfandomcom-20200222-history
The Muppets True Family Life transcript
Prologue: The Introduction Announcer: "It's now once again time for some live entertainment, Disney productions presents The Muppets True Family Life, and now, on with the show." Scene 1: Kermit and Miss Piggy's honeymoon dates Kermit and Miss Piggy are on their honeymoon dates at Fisher-Reynolds Memorial Movie Theater, Hoskins-Rivers Memorial Bowling Alley, Richard Hunt Memorial Beach and the carnival grounds. Later on, Kermit and Miss Piggy are heading back home to the Muppet Family Boarding House. In Background Kermit: Isn't this great? Miss Piggy: isn't this grand? Kermit: we finally got our most perfect marriage in our hands Miss Piggy: we'll be back home again soon Kermit: thank that to the moon Miss Piggy: it's a super nice afternoon Kermit and Miss Piggy: what a super good time for a wonderful honeymoon Outside the Muppet Family Boarding House Kermit: "Well, Piggy, it sure is good to be back home again." Kermit and Miss Piggy go right back inside the Muppet Family Boarding House. Gonzo: "Kermit, Piggy, you guys are back from your honeymoon dates." Miss Piggy: "Yes, of course we're back home again." Fozzie: "It sure was silent while you guys were gone out." Kermit: "So what have you guys been doing lately?" Walter: "Well, Kermit, while you and Piggy were out and about, we've been sorting out the mail, dusting the shelves, cleaning the kitchen," Scooter: "and making our beds." Miss Piggy: "Sounds lovely." Ringing Kermit opens the door and greets Postman Roger. Kermit: "Oh hi there, what can we do for you, Postman Roger?" Postman Roger: "Well, Kermit, here's an invitation letter for you and Piggy to read." Kermit: "Thanks a bunch." Postman Roger: "You're welcome, and by the way, congratulations on your marriage." Kermit: "We appreciate it." Postman Roger leaves to go back to the post office. Kermit opens the envelope and finds an invitation letter from Miss Piggy's parents. Bean: "So, Kermit, Piggy, what does it say?" Kermit: "It says, (he begins reading the invitation letter.) Dear Kermit and Piggy, you're coordially invited to a lovely dinner meal in honor of your marriage, be there right on time, love and respect, your dear old parents. Miss Piggy: "Oh my gosh, a family dinner party." Kermit, Miss Piggy and the other Muppet friends head on outside to get on the Electric Mayhem bus. Dr. Teeth: "Come on, everybody, we don't wanna burn traffic here." The Muppet friends get on the Electric Mayhem bus and drive down all the way to Jack and Joan's house. Jack and Joan's house Kermit and Robin have 2 bowls of dragonfly soup and Miss Piggy, Fozzie and the others have other good dinner foods as well. Jack: "So, Piggy, tell us about the house you live in." Miss Piggy: "Well, Kermit owns this big yard, don't you, honey cakes?" Kermit: "Oh yeah, it's got a lovely garden, a sandbox and a swimming pool around it." Fozzie: "What? we know you're not talking about the boarding house." Kermit: "Fozzie....." Joan: "Well, I suppose it'll be a fine place for them to raise the little sweet boys and the little sweet girls." Kermit faints a bit at the dinner table. Kermit: "It's kind of early to be thinking about that right now." Joan: "It's super wonderful to have the entire family here for dinner this fine lovely evening." Meanwhile in the sleepover bedroom....... Miss Piggy: "Kermit, just in a couple of days, we'll be back home in time." Kermit: "Oh good, then the fireflies and crickets would be all over the entire yard." Miss Piggy: "Well, actually, what if they were theoretically little pink frog and little green pig feet?" Kermit's face goes pale green. Kermit: "Piggy, honestly, I'm not prepared for young kids yet, but have you seen a baby boy or girl lately? they just eat and sleep and cry and wet and-" Miss Piggy: "Oh, Kermit, don't you ever think about having a true family?" Kermit: "Right now, Piggy, you're my true family." A news report is now on television. Newsman: "We interrupt this program to bring you this fast breaking news report, Constantine and Miss Poogy have just escaped downtown, so get out there and stop them in their tracks." Kermit: "Oh my word!" Miss Piggy: "I don't believe this!" Kermit: "We'd better tell the others about this." The very next morning, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Link Hogthrob are saying see you later to their loved 1s. Clucking: "Goodbye, Gonzo, we'll never break up with 1 another." Gonzo: "I know, Camilla, I don't wanna leave you either, honey cakes, but you know how Kermit is, he's truly lost without all of us, but don't worry about it, I can get you gifts every single day." Doris: "Here's to you, Fozzie, good luck catching Constantine and Miss Poogy." Fozzie: "Why thank you, Doris." Doris: "You're welcome." Denise: "Good luck, Link, don't do anything dangerous." Link Hogthrob: "Okay, I won't." Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Link Hogthrob get on the Electric Mayhem bus. Miss Piggy: "Kermit, wait, I'm Horn Honking Kermit: "What did you say, Piggy?" Miss Piggy: "I said I'm-" Kermit stops the honking bus horn. Kermit: "You're what?" Miss Piggy: "I said I'm 14 percent pregnant." Walter and Muppet Friends: Wildly Kermit: "You are?" Miss Piggy: "You're gonna be a father, Kermit and our parents are gonna be grandparents." Kermit: "That's super good news, Piggy." Miss Piggy: "I'm so thrilled you think so." Jack and Joan put their hands on Miss Piggy's shoulders. Fozzie is super excited. Fozzie: "We're gonna be godparents, we're gonna be godparents!." Rizzo: "Fozzie, you sometimes get carried away." The Electric Mayhem bus leaves for downtown San Francisco. Kermit: "I wonder what my future son and daughter are gonna look like." Kermit's dream sequence..... Pink Male Frog: "Good morning, Mom," Green Female Pig: "Good morning, Dad," Pink Male Frog: "You wanna go to the zoo right after breakfast this weekend?" Kermit: "Why sure, of course we can go to the zoo, kids," Miss Piggy: "We'll be finished real soon." End of Kermit's dream sequence...... Kermit: "This is super exciting, Piggy and I are gonna be parents and my mother and piggy's parents are gonna be grandparents as well." Gonzo: "Well, Kermit, it's just what true love is all about." Back home at the Muppet Family Boarding House/Miss Piggy's baby shower Mildred Huxtetter: "Oh, Piggy, look at you." Mona: "You look beautiful." Skeeter: "So, Piggy, has there been any cravings lately ever since you got pregnant?" Miss Piggy: "No, Skeeter, not at all, do you happen to have any graham crackers with peanut butter and cream cheese with clover honey around here?" Janice: "Oh my gosh, like, it's gift opening time." Doris: "Here, Piggy, open mine 1st, please, it's the 1 by the armchair." Miss Piggy looks right at the tag card. Miss Piggy: (reading the tag card) Congratulations on your new wetter, hopefully this helps, love from, Doris. Miss Piggy unwraps the package and pulls out a plastic container of baby powder and a containter of wipes. Mildred Huxtetter: "Oh would you look at that?" Miss Piggy: "What's it for, Doris?" Doris: "I'm so thrilled you like it, Piggy, it's for the wet spots." Yolanda: "How revolting, all babies wet themselves?" Denise: "Yes, of course they do, Yolanda." Robin, Andy and Randy (off screen): "Aunt Piggy, Aunt Piggy!" Robin: "We all chipped in for a baby shower gift as well too." Robin, Andy and Randy show Miss Piggy a fancy double sided baby carrier. Andy: "You know the baby's gonna really love it," Randy: "'cause we all do." Miss Piggy: "Oh, my dear nephews, that's very beautiful, thanks a bunch, but wait, (she looks right at the gift from Janice.) who's this 1 from?" Janice: "I got you like, the greatest 1 'cause I really love you the most." Miss Piggy: (reading another tag card) "Have 1 on me, love from, Janice." Miss Piggy unwraps the pacakge and reveals a baby-sitter gorilla named Harambe the Sitter Gorilla (in memoriam of the real Harambe (1999-2016)). Miss Piggy: "What is it, Janice?" Janice: "He's a 47 pound baby-sitter." Harambe: "Where's the babies?" Miss Piggy: "You're too kind, Janice, but I can't allow this in our boarding house, but what exactly does he do?" Janice: "The cleaning." Mildred Huxtetter: "The feeding." Harambe: "The burping." Miss Piggy: "So what are Kermit and I supposed to do around here?" Denise: "Well, Piggy, now you'll have plenty of time to work on your marriage." Janice: "You'll begin getting very tired all the time." Wanda: "You'll always let yourself go." Yolanda: "You’ll get stretch marks." Mildred Huxtetter: "Oh, Piggy, don't expect Kermit to be too helpful, he'll be out with good friends all night long, say goodbye to true romance.” Miss Piggy: "I'm terribly sorry, but how many of you have little boy and girl kids?" Skeeter: "She's absolutely right, a baby boy or girl is only gonna strengthen the true love that Piggy and Kermit have, how did Kermit react when you told him, Piggy? tell me." Miss Piggy: "Oh, Kermit? oh, well, he was, uh, very….he's real brave and heroic and talented." Joan: "I'm so proud of you agreeing to that, Piggy dear." Downtown San Francisco Kermit: "Okay, guys, follow me, they're right this way." Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Link, Wayne and Rizzo walk around looking for Constantine and Miss Poogy and they spot them right by the Joan Rivers Memorial Wishing Fountain. Kermit: "Alright, you fiends, this time we found you!" Constantine: "Well if it isn't Kermit and his 4 little friends." Miss Poogy: "What did you do? come back for another helping of karate kicking?" Gonzo: "Eat pepper spray!" Gonzo sprays the pepper spray at Constantine and Miss Poogy. Constantine: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Miss Poogy: "Let's get outta here!" Rizzo: "Wow, Gonzo, dat was supa incredible." Fozzie: "Now let's all go back home right now." Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Rizzo go back home to San Francisco. Back home in San Francisco Kermit: "Piggy, Doris, Camilla, Yolanda, Denise, Wanda, we're back from our road trip." Fozzie: "And we got rid of Constantine and Miss Poogy with pepper spray." Miss Piggy: "Oh good, now they won't be in our clutches again, but I think I'm going into labor." Kermit: "Oh my gosh, did you hear that? Piggy's gone into labor, to the hospital, everybody!" Animal: "Hospital, Hospital!" Scooter: "To Roger Moore Memorial Hospital, everybody!" The Muppet friends get right back on the Electric Mayhem Bus and drive around all the way to Roger Moore Memorial Hospital. Roger Moore Memorial Hospital Kermit, Miss Piggy and the Muppet friends are now speaking to Stacy Shandling, the receptionist. Stacy: "Yes? how can I help all of you here?" Kermit: "My wife's in labor and she needs a hospital room that's nice and relaxing." Stacy: "Oh sure, of course, give me your names, please." Kermit: "Well I'm Kermit the Frog and this is my wife, Piggy, my nephews, Robin, Andy and Randy and my best friends for life, Walter, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rizzo, Yolanda, Denise, Camilla, Link, Dr. Strangepork, Sam, Uncle Deadly, Mildred, Scooter, Skeeter, Bunsen, Beaker and Bean." Stacy: "Okay, here we go, alright, Piggy, right this way. Stacy leads Miss Piggy to her hospital room. Miss Piggy is now in her hospital room with the dr.'s and nurses to make sure she's alright. Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Walter, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Floyd, Zoot, Animal, Lips, Twitch, Bunsen, Beaker, Scooter, Skeeter, Bean, Rizzo, Rowlf, Statler, Waldorf, Angel Marie, Uncle Deadly, Beauregard, Dr. Strangepork, Sweetums, Link Hogthrob, Robin, Andy, Randy, Johnny and Sal are sitting around in the waiting room. Robin: "Oh boy, I can hardly wait to see what our new cousin's gonna look like." Andy: "So can we." Kermit: "Well, my dear nephews, it'll take plenty of time 'til he or she is born." Rowlf: "You know what they say, a baby boy or girl can take plenty of hours." Gonzo: "They'll soon be all over the place." Dr. Clarkson shows up in the waiting room. Kermit: "What is it, Dr. Clarkson? is it a little pink male frog or a little green female pig?" Dr. Clarkson: "Well, Kermit, I went in there to check on Piggy and they're both: a little pink male frog or a little green female pig." Robin: "Finally, Andy, Randy and I have little twin cousins to play with." Andy and Randy: "How super exciting." Kermit: "Come on, everybody, let's go right into Piggy's hospital room to meet our little twin son and daughter." Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Walter, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Floyd, Zoot, Animal, Lips, Twitch, Bunsen, Beaker, Scooter, Skeeter, Bean, Rizzo, Rowlf, Statler, Waldorf, Angel Marie, Uncle Deadly, Beauregard, Dr. Strangepork, Sweetums, Link Hogthrob, Robin, Andy, Randy, Johnny and Sal go right into Miss Piggy's hospital room. Miss Piggy: "Having those 2 babies was the most wonderful thing that's happened to me in my entire life, and Kermit's always been super good to me right after all of those years." Robin, Andy and Randy begin looking for the baby pink male frog and the baby green female pig. Miss Piggy: "Robin? Andy? Randy? what are you boys doing?" Robin: "Well we're looking for the pink male frog and the green female pig, Aunt Piggy, Dr. Clarkson said they came right outta you." Miss Piggy: "Trust me, Robin, they did." Randy: "Well? where are they?" Miss Piggy: "They're with the dr.'s and nurses to make sure they're healthy and alright." Robin: "How long before they-" Kermit: "Oh look, here they come right now." Nurse Henderson and Nurse Clooney bring in the baby pink male frog and the baby green female pig and put them right on Miss Piggy's hospital bed and she has both of them in her arms. Miss Piggy: "Little Pink Frog and little green pig, we'd like for you to meet our good friends and your cousins, Robin, Andy and Randy." Kermit: "Robin, Andy and Randy, meet your cousin, Toby," Toby is the name of the baby pink male frog. Miss Piggy: "and your other cousin, Bethany." Bethany is the name of the baby green female pig. Robin: "Nice meeting you, Toby and Bethany," Andy: "Welcome to San Francisco." Scene 2: Back home at the Muppet Family Boarding House Kermit has just finished preparing the baby pink frog and baby green pig formula for Toby and Bethany, and he sets them right by Miss Piggy's side and she's got Toby and Bethany laughing and playing around. Fozzie, Gonzo, Walter, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Floyd, Zoot, Animal, Lips, Twitch, Bunsen, Beaker, Scooter, Skeeter, Bean, Rizzo, Rowlf, Statler, Waldorf, Angel Marie, Uncle Deadly, Dr. Strangepork, Sweetums, Link Hogthrob, Robin, Andy, Randy, Johnny and Sal arrive and so do Jack and Joan and Kermit's Mother as well. Fozzie: "Hey, I see Toby and Bethany." Fozzie, Gonzo, Walter, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Floyd, Zoot, Animal, Lips, Twitch, Bunsen, Beaker, Scooter, Skeeter, Bean, Rizzo, Rowlf, Statler, Waldorf, Angel Marie, Uncle Deadly, Beauregard, Dr. Strangepork, Sweetums, Link Hogthrob, Robin, Andy, Randy, Johnny and Sal are entertaining their little twin god-kids. Gonzo: "Hey, Toby, watch this." Gonzo does super fast crazy tricks. Toby: In Delight Joan is bouncing her twin granddaughter, Bethany on her lap. Joan: "Oh she's such a little bouncy girl." Kermit, Miss Piggy and the Muppet friends are now watching Toby and Bethany playing around and drawing wonderful pictures in the sandbox. Very soon, it's now bedtime and Toby and Bethany are now asleep. And Bethany Crying And Wailing Miss Piggy: "Uh, Kermit?" Kermit: "I'm on the job, Piggy." Kermit gets right outta his and Miss Piggy's bed and gives Toby and Bethany their baby pink frog and baby green pig formula, then he goes right back to his and Miss Piggy's bedroom and they all get their beauty sleep. Fade to a black screen........ End Production Credits Directed by James Bobin Produced by Nicholas Stollar Music composed by Christophe Beck Human Cast Members Credits Tim Curry as Postman Roger Amy Poehler as Nurse Henderson Mindy Kaling as Nurse Clooney Ben Stiller as Gary Jones Jennifer Aniston as Mary Jones Steve Carell as Dr. Clarkson Zelda Williams as Stacy Shandling Kevin Clash as Carl Jenkins Cheryl Henson as Movie Theater Customer Number 1 '' ''Heather Henson as Movie Theater Customer Number 2 '' ''Lisa Henson as Bowling Player Number 1 '' ''Joey Mazzarino as Duck Feeder Number 1 '' ''Frank Oz as Duck Feeder Number 2 '' ''David DeLuise as Reporter Jim Mindy Kaling as Reporter Jane Voice Performers Credits Matt Vogel as Kermit, Floyd, Camilla, Emily, Crazy Harry, Lew Zealand, Sweetums, Dr. Strangepork, Pops, Count Von Count, Farley, Mumford, Murray, Jerry Caricature, Big Bird, Butch, Sherlock Hemlock, Papa Bear, Emmett, Doc, Melissa, Stanley, and Yancey (voices) Eric Jacobson as Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Animal, Sam, Marvin Suggs, Frank Caricature, Oscar, Bert, Grover, Guy Smiley and the Newsman (voices) Dave Goelz as Gonzo, Stinky the Skunk, Jack, Zoot, Will, Wendell, Beauregard, Bunsen, Waldorf, Chip, Randy, Harambe the Sitter Gorilla and Boober Fraggle (voices) Bill Barretta as Pepe, Johnny, Dr. Teeth, Rowlf, the Swedish Chef, Andy, Jim Caricature, Grandpapa Bear, Armstrong the Chicken Hawk, Dullard the Aardvark, Harvey, Howard, Mayor Fox, Joan and Croaker (voices) Brian Henson as Sal and Dr. Neuter (voices) Billy Barkhurst as Jake the Polar Bear (voice) David Rudman as Scooter, Janice, Wayne, Bowser, Bobby Benson, Beaker, Richard Caricature, Mildred Huxtetter, Baby Bear, Forgetful Jones, Don Music, Placido Flamingo, Sonny Friendly, Charlie, Fred, George, Cookie Monster, Furline Husky and Stuie Monster (voices) Raymond Carr as Hoots and Clifford (voice) Ryan Dillon as Elmo, Mulch, Wolfgang, Natasha, Eliot Shag and Toby (voices) Kevin Clash as Wembley Fraggle (voice) Peter Linz as Walter, Statler, Ernie, Herry, Lips, Flash, Bean, Rizzo, Robin, Oscar, Link Hogthrob, Tutter, Pip, Mew and Bethany (voices) Julianne Buescher as Wanda, Yolanda and Denise (voices) Tyler Bunch as Thog, Treelo, Pop and the Announcer (voices) Martin P. Robinson as Telly, Bruni and Snuffy (voices) Lisa Buckley as Betty Lou and Ms. Fluffé (voices) Stephanie D’Abruzzo as Skeeter, Lulu, Grandmama Bear, Terri Springer and Prairie Dawn (voices) Jennifer Barnhardt as Zoe, Mama Bear, Colleen Barker and Gladys the Cow (voices) John E. Kennedy as Blotch, Arnie and the Delivery Whatnot (voices) Louise Gold as Annie Sue Pig, Tizzy the Bee, Bunnie Bear and Rhonda Rat (voices) Noel MacNeal as Bear (voice) Vicki Eibner as Ojo (voice) John Tartaglia as Gobo Fraggle, Artie Springer and Goggles (voices) Stacey Gordon as Julia (voice) Frankie Cordero as Rudy (voice) Leslie Carrara Rudolph as Abby Cadabby (voice) Karen Prell as Red Fraggle and Ollie the Tapir (voices) Kathryn Mullen as Mokey Fraggle (voice) Carmen Oshbar as Rosita (voice) Cree Summer Francks as Mona, Kermit’s Mother (voice) Alice Dinnean Vernon as Hilda, Afghan Hound and Ma Otter (voices) Category:Muppets Category:Transcripts